[Lt.Col.Vortex]

So lets post up some of the funniest, stupidest, and or shocking things your kids have said or done.

Today we where working on our shop. And in working with wood, you get wood chips form the saw. Well one of my younger brothers collected them and was playing with them. Well my other younger brother came over and stated playing under him. Well one started dropping wood chips on another, and he didn't like it, so he started yelling, " Stop dropping chips on me!!!" But it came out sound like, " Stop dropping sh*t on me! " It was hysterical. Dad went around to see what was going on and to see what he actually said. Well dad walks over and hes still yelling, and dad starts to think that his kids have stopped caring and having self morals. It was the highlight of the day.

This post has been edited by Lt.Col.Vortex: 07 September 2011 - 08:26 PM

[Puzuma]

When my son was 2 or 3 he threatened to attack me with a chainsaw. He was misbehaving and was given a short time out. He used his battery powered toy chainsaw to try to cut his way out of his room.

[Warpaint]

I have three...31, 21, and 16.

Oldest tried acid when he was 17...he called me crying in the middle of the night and I found him wandering around in a busy intersection two miles from where he said he was. Once his head cleared, we had a long discussion about drugs, he straightened up, got married, has a daughter of his own, and has a really sweet job selling vacations. He's got a little Archie Bunker in him from somewhere, but he does alright despite himself. Funniest thing he did was he got tired while we were shopping, and decided to take a break on a grocery store shelf...a shelf loaded with big glass mayonaisse jars. I turned around when I heard the shelf break, and then watched as the jars dropped like bombs one by one onto the floor and break. Some customer comes around the corner, looks at my son and starts to grin, until I turn around and he sees my face and he does an about face and runs back around the corner..

Second oldest tried committing suicide by stabbing himself in the chest in May two years ago...he called me at work to say goodbye, and once I understood what he was talking about, I stood up, closed my office door, then did my impersonation of my dad's Marine Corp DI voice and barked his butt out of the middle of some woods somewhere, and had him march up to the nearest house and beat on the doors and windows until someone called 911. Once he said OK, I kept him on the phone until I heard someone answer him in a house, and I could hear the sirens over the phone approaching. When I heard the police talking to him, I had my son give him the phone so the officer could tell me which hospital my son was being taken to. The ER doctor said in another 10-20 minutes his lung would have been completely collapsed, and his heart would have been compressed by blood and stopped beating. I saved him from drowning when he was about 8 years old, too. Funniest thing he did was when he broke his mom's favorite lamp. I told him when mom got home, she was going to kill us. As I was cleaning up the glass, he started to cry. I thought he got cut by some glass, but when I asked him if was hurt, he replied, "I don't wanna die!"

Finally, my 16 year old daughter seems to be steering clear of the troubles my sons ran afoul of, so no real stupid things, and I hope it stays that way. Funniest thing happened recently with a baby squirrel we rescued during hurricane Irene. We took the poor little guy home, and have slowly nursed him back to health. In a little more than a week, he seems to have grown to twice the size he was when we found him, and he is quite attached to my daughter. One day we had him out of his cage in the backyard so we could clean it and he can get used to the outdoors, when he stopped, turned to my daughter, whistled really load three times, and while we stood there in amazement, launched himself at my daughter, who screamed and fell into a puddle. All I could think of was that scene in Christmas Vacation when the squirrel jumped out of the Christmas tree.

Sorry my "stupid" subjects weren't funny like maybe you were expecting...but I think you'll admit, they were still pretty stupid in another sense. Stay way, away from drugs, and don't go thinking your life is over while you're still at the beginning!

This post has been edited by Warpaint: 06 September 2011 - 08:28 PM

[The Stuntman]

I have a 13 yr old daughter. Cool kid - not too stupid for her age, decent taste in movies/music/books, into Ju-Jitsu, surfing/swimming, plays violin, and (best of all) thinks boys are gross & disgusting.

Not that interested in paintball though (oh well, nobody's perfect...).

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[Krazy8]

My last one is leaving the house in six days! We will be empty nesters finally!


Time for a sports cars!

[Lt.Col.Vortex]

Can I interest you in a Viper ACR??

[Pirate]

I don't think I have any... Hopefully they won't be crazy screw-ups like their father was.
Okay, like their father is...

[1-I]

My oldest is 5 and his lil bro is 3.

My oldest has kept the last few years intersting as we found out all about autism and its many different versions, and my youngest has tried to weaponise his cutness and continues to argue with me over who owns my bed.

[Mobles]

I have a buttload of younger siblings...an two older siblings....but no one in family ever gets in trouble....except my oldest brother...but i dont have the time to get into all that

[IrishMack]

Kids...I hate kids, I used to like them...then I moved in with one of my best friends and his wife...they have 3 kids, 5, 3, 8 months. The little boy, is only 8 months, and adorable, fairly content with life, although can be annoying when he's feeling clingy, but, he's 8 months old so it's not that big of a deal. The middle child, can't wake up without screaming, and the oldest child has fits all the time. GRRRR... I feel like most of this could be solved if perhaps they went to bed at a decent hour..it was 1am when they went to bed this morning, I was already asleep, but woke up to their grumping about going to bed. Normal is between 10:30 and 11 for them, but it often goes more like 11:30 or 12. I really don't understand it. They also watch TV a huge majority of the day, which drives me insane as it's all singign shows that sing so high that when the girls sing it it sounds like death.

The kids also like to come in my room and take all of my laundry, and throw it all over the room, and then just kind of leave it.

[Puzuma]

Have you considered any of the following: hog tying, tazer gun, chloroform, or horse tranquilizers? The choice is yours whether you use them on the parents or kids....

[redthirst]

When my daughter was 2 or so, she used to spend the day with my father and they'd watch The Sopranos. I didn't know about that until one day when we were out eating and she told some guy who was giving me crap to "go eat a man cock!"

[IrishMack]

Haha...I would love to...they came home at about 8 last night from visiting their grandmother...the kids were throwing fits, I had been sitting down on the couch, and, I like to hang out with the parents, but the kids are so miserable I generally just go up to my room...it's impossible to talk, or do anything, like watch real TV with the kdis around...The dad agrees the kids need to go to bed earlier..but a lot of the time he isn't home, so he can't really reinforce the idea.

[IrishMack]

P.s. I only posted in this topic because it was the oldest "New Post" that I could find