[super_stalker]

At the risk of sounding like a typical hormonal teenager(I am 20, almost 21) I'm starting this thread.

One month ago I found out that my "Girlfriend" had been sleeping around behind my back. Has been since summer time. Of course I find this out after I get an apartment with her and her brother and our finances are intertwined. I work a minimum wage job, all of my money goes to rent and a car payment. I spend almost every night here at my house alone while my "girlfriend" goes out all over the country side in the car I am buying, sleeping with just about every man with a functioning penis.

At this point I have no friends. I'm stuck here in this apartment till January because it's 6 months rent up front to break the lease. Can't take my car back because her name is on the title. Can't kick them out because I can't make it on my own and their names are on the lease as well. Don't have anyplace to go that would be any improvement over my current living conditions. Despite everything she does I still love her. But I'm not stupid. I know she is stringing me along with empty promises and just enough physical and emotional attention to keep me going.

I tried to leave, 2 days ago. From the advice from a close friend and marriage counselor. I went to him for advice to save what we had, and he told me that I needed to eject. Take everything that isn't "ours" and explain to her with no emotion that I was leaving and why. I did just that, till she broke down in tears and started speaking of suicide. I caved. She promised that we would work on "us" and then that night she went and stayed at another males house. Did the same last night. I have no spine. This has been my 7th attempt to date to leave this personal self inflicted hell.

For the last month I have been an emotional roller coaster. Switching between extreme sadness and depression to blood boiling rage. I have had bouts of violence toward inanimate objects and myself. Very little in between. I have no appetite anymore. Food makes me sick. I force myself to eat once a day. Over the last month I have lost 13 pounds, I am now 127lb's. I have no drive for life anymore. All of the things that made me happy a month ago do not interest me anymore. I can't focus on anything.

I have tried dating other women. Every one has been an epic failure on the first date. Each one worse than the last. I managed to sleep with one woman thinking it would help. Instead after the fact I felt worse than before.

Luckily at this point I still retain enough logic to know that suicide will not help. Not only do I owe my grandparents a large sum of money, but I know my family at least would be deeply hurt, nay traumatized. There is still much that I have on my bucket list that I want to do.

I need help. If nothing else to get through this year till I can untangle myself from her web. I know that if I can get away from her I can heal. But at this point it is impossible for me to get away. I hate drama, I moved away from my mothers to get away from drama. Instead I managed to drop right into the damn fire. I am without a doubt the single most retarded man in this country. A failure beyond epic proportions I know this. I just don't know what to do from here. I just need to get through the year alive and without incurring a major medical bill.

I have always been opposed to antidepressants. I hate taking medication of any kind. I never take pain pills stronger than ibuprofen, I only use my inhaler when needed, and only take antibiotics when there is no other option. Until recently I've lived a relativity happy healthy life. But at this point I'm willing to try anything. I know that they are not a cure-all and there is no such thing as a happy pill. But I just need something to stabilize my emotions enough to get through this year until I can rid myself of the source the problem.

This is probably a major mistake posting this.

[cdrinkh20]

It's always good to vent - but as a Psychology major, I think I can safely say that nobody on here (probably) is qualified to tell you that you should get drugs, or do anything else.

If anything, I would say you should talk to qualified psychologist ABOUT seeing a psychiatrist (a medical doctor). One of my huge disagreements with psychiatry is that you are treating symptoms, not a problem. My worry is that you might become complacent with your situation, but you could be right that it will stabilise your thinking. Speak to a registered psychologist first, and see if talking to a medical psychiatrist is a good option to look into.

Good luck!

Disclaimer: I am not deeply involved in clinically-related classes or studies.

This post has been edited by cdrinkh20: 30 March 2011 - 09:40 AM

[super_stalker]

cdrinkh20, on 30 March 2011 - 09:37 AM, said:

It's always good to vent - but as a Psychology major, I think I can safely say that nobody on here (probably) is qualified to tell you that you should get drugs, or do anything else.

If anything, I would say you should talk to qualified psychologist ABOUT seeing a psychiatrist (a medical doctor). One of my huge disagreements with psychiatry is that you are treating symptoms, not a problem. My worry is that you might become complacent with your situation, but you could be right that it will stabilise your thinking. Speak to a registered psychologist first, and see if talking to a medical psychiatrist is a good option to look into.

Good luck!

Well as it turns out no local psychologist or psychiatrist practice in my area is accepting new patients. The one that is only takes medical coupons.

Not that I can afford $250+ per visit in the first place. Guess I'm stuck.

[Puzuma]

Quote

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

Talk to your friends and family, the people that know you best. Ask if they have noticed any changes in your behavior and when it started. Then talk to your family doctor. He/she may not be a specialist but they can put you in for a referal or start you on a low level med as a test.

I've been suffering depression since I was about 5 years old and have been on meds for almost a year. I'm on 20mg of Celexa, once a day. Family and friends have noticed a change.

But in your situation.... It may not make a difference. Being stuck living in the same place as the source of your problems...

[Locknpump]

If you were a friend of mine and told me that, first, I'd tell you to get your stuff, and leave, don't worry about goodbyes, just find a place to stay and start fresh, stop worrying abot dating and just work on your own problems, girls will come and go but you have to live with what YOU do.

Also, you don't seem depressed, posting this in a way shows that, you just have a lot of stuff on your plate right now and need to find your way through it. Just hang tough and do whats best for YOU.

Again, thats what I'd say to a friend of mine, ignore it if you think I'm completely off.

And if the car is in her name you should be able to stop paying for it.

This post has been edited by Locknpump: 30 March 2011 - 10:09 AM

[super_stalker]

Locknpump, on 30 March 2011 - 10:08 AM, said:

If you were a friend of mine and told me that, first, I'd tell you to get your stuff, and leave, don't worry about goodbyes, just find a place to stay and start fresh, stop worrying abot dating and just work on your own problems, girls will come and go but you have to live with what YOU do.

Also, you don't seem depressed, posting this in a way shows that, you just have a lot of stuff on your plate right now and need to find your way through it. Just hang tough and do whats best for YOU.

Again, thats what I'd say to a friend of mine, ignore it if you think I'm completely off.

And if the car is in her name you should be able to stop paying for it.

I have tried to leave... several times... I cannot sleep any place but my own bed anymore. Even when I took sleeping aids I woke up every hour or two. Till I made it back to my house and I slept like a baby. It doesn't help I work graveyard so my sleep schedule is already messed up.

The car is in OUR name, and the money I owe on it is to my grandparents not a bank.

[Mobles]

So the car is always going to be both of yours? isnt there a way to get out of that deal? Also is she paying for the car as well? Maybe you need legal help to get out of that situation.

[dextonik]

Any advice I give will probably the exact same thing everybody else here has said. All I can say is hang tough man. Everybody has a breaking point. Your not spineless. When you find you have had enough I'm sure you will carry through and leave her. If she starts threating suicide call her bluff. I seriously doubt she would. Another thing you are not retarded or a failure. I'm sure you may feel like it at this point in time, but you not. If I was in your situation I would be frustrated as all hell. Just keep talking about this kind of crap to people. Keep you head up man.

[ger]

First, the best any of us can do is give our best (un)educated guesses as what you should do. Finding professional help is your best course, try finding someplace that can offer free counseling at the very least.

Second... you are not a failure. We all make bad choices, the important thing is you have recognized the fact that they were bad choices, but now have to start making good choices. Your first choice has to be to separate yourself from that situation as soon as you can. As Puz noted, the source of your problems is being in that environment, not some physiological imbalance, so medication will only mask the symptoms not solve the problem.

As far as the car, I have a few questions: if the loan is not thru a financial institution, but rather thru your grandparents, who currently holds the title to the car? How exactly is the car in both your names if you did not sign loan papers? Did your grandparents purchase the car outright & have the title put in both your names, w/ you being responsible for personal loan payments to them?

[murdercrow]

So she sleeps around on you, but when you talk about leaving, she threatens suicide? Sounds crazy, bail man. ASAP. Get out, stay with your grandparents, move out of the state if you have to, take the car when you do, and figure out the rest from a safe place. You'll eventually get tired enough you can sleep anywhere. If your grandparents essentially own the car, then there's not a whole lot she can do, bitch and threaten as she may try. Let her and her brother figure out the apartment, it's her fault you're leaving.

Seriously man. Tell her to go to hell.

[super_stalker]

ger, on 30 March 2011 - 02:24 PM, said:

First, the best any of us can do is give our best (un)educated guesses as what you should do. Finding professional help is your best course, try finding someplace that can offer free counseling at the very least.

Second... you are not a failure. We all make bad choices, the important thing is you have recognized the fact that they were bad choices, but now have to start making good choices. Your first choice has to be to separate yourself from that situation as soon as you can. As Puz noted, the source of your problems is being in that environment, not some physiological imbalance, so medication will only mask the symptoms not solve the problem.

As far as the car, I have a few questions: if the loan is not thru a financial institution, but rather thru your grandparents, who currently holds the title to the car? How exactly is the car in both your names if you did not sign loan papers? Did your grandparents purchase the car outright & have the title put in both your names, w/ you being responsible for personal loan payments to them?

yes. I don't want the pills to solve the problem, I know that they cannot do that. I just need them long enough to get out of here. I already know I will never get my car back. I just want out. I cannot handle my constant mood swings. I miss being happy.

This post has been edited by super_stalker: 30 March 2011 - 04:59 PM

[Locknpump]

super_stalker, on 30 March 2011 - 06:58 PM, said:

ger, on 30 March 2011 - 02:24 PM, said:

First, the best any of us can do is give our best (un)educated guesses as what you should do. Finding professional help is your best course, try finding someplace that can offer free counseling at the very least.

Second... you are not a failure. We all make bad choices, the important thing is you have recognized the fact that they were bad choices, but now have to start making good choices. Your first choice has to be to separate yourself from that situation as soon as you can. As Puz noted, the source of your problems is being in that environment, not some physiological imbalance, so medication will only mask the symptoms not solve the problem.

As far as the car, I have a few questions: if the loan is not thru a financial institution, but rather thru your grandparents, who currently holds the title to the car? How exactly is the car in both your names if you did not sign loan papers? Did your grandparents purchase the car outright & have the title put in both your names, w/ you being responsible for personal loan payments to them?

yes. I don't want the pills to solve the problem, I know that they cannot do that. I just need them long enough to get out of here. I already know I will never get my car back. I just want out. I cannot handle my constant mood swings. I miss being happy.

I know exactly what that feels like, and you will be surprised how happy you will be once you get your freedom back, and thats what you should work towards, start by getting whats yours laid out, and take small steps to just completely breaking free, one day at a time.

And as stated above, you aren't a failure or spineless by any stretch, getting this off your chest and talking to people is a good start.

[PistolWhipped]

I'm going to risk sounding like a dick because you need someone to talk to you like a grown man.

Grow. A. FRAGing. Backbone.

Stop being a pussy dude. Reach down. Is there a sack there? Then use it.

Stop pitying yourself and your situation. Stop telling yourself how impossible it is. It ain't accomplishing crap, and it ain't gonna accomplish crap. You decided you were grown enough to live on your own, so you're going to have to man up and do what needs doing.

- Ditch the cheating whore. She can cry and threaten all she wants, don't be the chump that caves. You are a man now, choose your own actions. She lost the right to try and keep you around when she rode around in your car looking for dick.
- Move out. Immediately. Don't bull crap around. If you need to break the lease, then break it. Better than poisoning yourself and wasting another half year of your life. You can always make more money, but you'll never get that time back. You're dying everyday. So don't waste time
- Take your car. You're paying for it. If they want to start legal problems, then give them hell.
- Take ALL of your crap. If you bought the TV, take it. If you bought a computer, take it. If you bought the food, take it. If you bought the toilet paper, take it.
- She's threatened suicide in order to hold you hostage. Have her committed if need be. Sounds like she needs help too.
- Find some relatives to stay with, and look for a better paying job. You'll never make it on your own if you won't nut up and make the effort.

You cannot hold yourself responsible for her behavior. You may care for her, but her REPEATED actions prove she doesn't give two squirts of tepid piss about you. People aren't what they say they will do. They are what they repeatedly do. She, therefore, is a lying, cheating, self-centered I think dirty words make me cool dump. You are better than that.

Part of being a man is doing what needs doing, even though it hurts. And this will probably hurt for a little while. But man up and handle it.

If you are gullible enough to give her another chance, then you deliver an ultimatum, you set consequences, and you be willing to walk away. She's broken your trust. If she won't actually work to earn it back, and from what I read she won't, then she can go find another functioning penis to pay her bills.

Don't waste your life on this bitch. Get free. There are plenty more women out there. Over 3 billion at my last count. You can find one who will be so much better for you than this skank. You just have to have the balls to actually do it.




OR





If you ignore the rest of this post, then try this. Introduce me to your girl. Maybe if I bone her right in front of your face you'll get pissed off enough to do something about it.

[super_stalker]

PistolWhipped, on 30 March 2011 - 09:58 PM, said:

If you ignore the rest of this post, then try this. Introduce me to your girl. Maybe if I bone her right in front of your face you'll get pissed off enough to do something about it.

If you're local I'll hook you up. I'm sure she'd jump right on that.

[dextonik]

Pretty much what pistol said. Life is way way too short to be wallowing in that bull crap. we are all dying everyday. If she does kill her self I figure the better off you are. at least you wont have to see her again if she does. Take whats yours. You have no commitment to her anymore. You need to become a cold hearted bastard. Use some of that blood boiling rage and put it to good use damnit! Good luck to ya man!