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Wedding plan issues or the mother-in-law can't be pleased

Poll: Did we goof? (27 member(s) have cast votes)

Is it ok to ask people to bring a dish to pass?

  1. Good idea (21 votes [77.78%])

    Percentage of vote: 77.78%

  2. Bad idea (6 votes [22.22%])

    Percentage of vote: 22.22%

Scrap everything and re-do it all to placate the in-laws or keep on original plan and keep yourselvs happy

  1. Screw the in-laws it is your wedding (25 votes [92.59%])

    Percentage of vote: 92.59%

  2. Why anger the in-laws so soon? (2 votes [7.41%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.41%

Vote

#1 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Post icon  Posted 12 April 2010 - 08:57 AM

Well the in-laws were over yesterday to check out the wedding plans. We (the Mrs. and I) are having the ceremony at our place. It is an 11 acre plot with a nice clearing in the woods of the back 10 acres. We plan on having the ceremony in said clearing. We still need to finish the 363 ft path from the lawn to the clearing, but that won't take too long.

The overall theme of the wedding is basically country back-yard cook out. The way my family is whenever we have a gathering everyone brings some kind of food. The same with several of my friends. They actually feel insulted if we don't ask them to bring anything. We already told everyone our plans and the only ones opposing it are her parents. We have the invitations made and just need to mail them out. On the invitations we are asking people to bring a dish to pass. Her mother thinks it is rude that we are asking people to bring a dish and a gift. Because we already have pretty much everything the gift registries we did are basically stuff that would be nice to have. If we don't get anything it is no big deal.

Her parents are also concerned that we do not have enough time to get everything finished, or so they say. They are pushing us to scrap all our plans and re-do everything. That means rent a hall, hire a caterer, reprint the invitations, and confuse everyone we are inviting.

Ultimately we are going to do what we want to do. That means we are basically going to upset her parents and do the cook out theme at our place. Just curious to see how others would handle the situation.



For clarification the ceremony is June 26 and we have been making plans since January. When we told everyone that is was a backyard cook out theme everyone suggested having people bring a dish to pass. This is actually my second marriage and her first marriage. Due to a few issues her pastor had we actually did the legal stuff on April 2 and we are doing a celebration on June 26. Basically we have been living together since November and currently only one care between us. She is working full time and I have been getting unemployment since March.
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#2 User is offline   Puzuma 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 09:08 AM

Pot luck reception. Good idea. Keeps your costs down and it'll be fun.

Just make sure you have the horse shoe pits set up. :tup:
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#3 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 09:18 AM

I need to find a good spot to move them to. I had to take the stake out of the ground to take care of some landscaping issues.
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#4 User is offline   I.K.E. 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 10:00 AM

Tell your in-laws that you would love for them to participate. You understand their point of view, and have considered it. But now you've made your decision. And then leave it at that. They now must choose between accepting your decision or not.

Pot luck? Sounds great! My brother did basically that. All the in laws brought something. The bride even cooked! Made for a nice meal. It isn't expensive to bring a dish. Sounds like only your inlaws are complaining.

My wedding cost about $800 all told. That includes tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, wedding dress, food, flowers, and everything. How did we do it? We asked for favors from friends and family. Why the hell does a wedding have to be expensive to be fun and special? Everyone who participated in my wedding enjoyed themselves. We even had live music. The guy who played the piano, also SUNG our song! And we got him for a box of steaks. He was the husband of a co-worker. And he did awesome.

Do it your way. If you wanna have a nice, relaxed wedding, great! But do what YOU enjoy and DO NOT try to please anyone else. Its your day. If anyone can't accept that, they don't have to come.
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#5 User is offline   slinkyaroo 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 10:13 AM

What's wrong with a pot luck. After all it's family and friends. To your mother-in-law they are strangers and maybe that's why she thinks it'll be rude.

You're already married. This is for celebration and a party.


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#6 User is offline   PistolWhipped 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 11:34 AM

My pops did something similar. Got married at his place, I fixed the grub for the reception. Everyone enjoyed themselves.

Your life, your wife, your wedding. I actually like the potluck idea. Might be stealing that idea myself.

This post has been edited by PistolWhipped: 12 April 2010 - 11:35 AM

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#7 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 11:48 AM

That is basically what everyone I have talked to has said. This was even before her parents decided they wanted to get involved. My mother in-law did not want us to talk to her about it until a month before the ceremony. In my opinion she really shouldn't have any say at all because she refused to hear anything about it. My father in-law, on the other hand, has been very supportive except for the idea of us doing it here and the way we are doing it. Me-thinks the mother in-law has something to do with that.
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#8 User is offline   Gilla 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 02:09 PM

Sorry, I answered the post before I read your post.

If you both are in agreement with your current plan go for it. Have your wife (congrats by the way) explain why the celebration is how it is and be there to support her. It's not worth upsetting the in-laws, but they need to understand that their daughter helped decide the style of celebration and she's the one needed to "heal the rift" as it is. Be there with her to help explain and support her but run with your plans. Few wedding planners will want to touch a date that soon and none will be cheap.
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#9 User is offline   IrishMack 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 02:14 PM

Personally I think that a potluck is an awesome idea...and honestly, while I understand trying not to upset the family, it's also your guy's party, and if you and everyone else likes the idea, there is no reason not to go ahead with it.
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#10 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 02:24 PM

I think she is going to be talking to her parents about it tonight. She sent me a text telling me that her mother wants to talk to her about it. Her mind is set on everything and it is hard to get her to change her mind.

We both came up with the whole outdoor in the woods behind my house idea together. I want to say within two weeks we pretty much had the rough idea down. It took us about another three or four weeks to finalize a few things. The hardest part is putting in the 363 ft path. After a while logs get heavy.
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#11 User is offline   Becc 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 03:01 PM

Good idea, and you have a nice place for it. Just make sure you have them RSVP with what theyre bringing so that there arent a ton of repeats, and allow for a cash donation towards stuff like silverware and drinks for thsoe who dont have the time/ability to cook.


My cousin is doing something similar... theyre just gonna have an all-night shindig as the reception, and go on a honeymoon later. No one minds contributing to a wedding that is fun. Asking them to contribute to a stuffy indoors one would be different, but i know thats not what you have in mind.

This post has been edited by Becc: 12 April 2010 - 03:03 PM

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#12 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 03:03 PM

That is a good idear. Thanks for the suggestion. I knew there was something we didn't think about.
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#13 User is offline   Pirate 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 04:27 PM

Really man, if this is what you and your wife want to do, then frak what her parents want. It's not their wedding. They should be happy they have less to pay for. My cousin's wedding is costing my Uncle a ton :D Your whole cost is probably less than her photographer. Well, maybe not, but it's close.

I love the idea. Weddings should be a celebration! That doesn't have to mean some fancy reception and whatnot. Heck, if you were closer I'd show up with my Scenario Grill setup :P

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#14 User is offline   MurderDeathKill 

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 05:52 PM

In-laws are supposed to hate you. Screw 'em. Think of this as getting a head-start on your relationship!

Plus, potluck sounds kickass. I'd bring Buffalo Wings, because how awesome would it be to have buffalo wings at a wedding?
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#15 User is offline   Dark Shadow Hunter 

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Posted 13 April 2010 - 04:56 AM

Pirate, you might be right. I have a good photographer lined up and he is not expensive at all. Mainly because I know him through paintball/airsoft. With some things it is not what you know, but who you know.

The path we are putting in is going to be done with materials on the property. Basically logs from downed trees are making the borders and all the brush up to 2 or 3 inches is getting tossed into a wood chipper to make the fill. About the most expensive thing for the landscaping project is going to be the gas for the equipment.

MDK, knowing my family and friends someone will want to bring wings. I doubt anyone will though because of the standard thought "Who eats wings at a wedding?"
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