Special Ops Paintball: funniest thing a noob has said to you? - Special Ops Paintball

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funniest thing a noob has said to you? lulz... Rate Topic: ***** 2 Votes

#601 User is offline   Drunkengunner 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 04:33 AM

I was playing this weekend, and it's in a Marine town. So this young Marine was out playing and got hit out, and the first thing he said was "How do you clear a paintball gun?"
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#602 User is offline   CapnStank 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 11:46 AM

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 27 2010, 12:48 AM, said:

View PostXakk, on Jan 26 2010, 05:40 PM, said:

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 26 2010, 10:36 AM, said:

View Postoutlaw-master, on Jan 25 2010, 11:02 PM, said:

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 25 2010, 11:43 PM, said:

EVERY person who saw me walk on to the field during my first game ever (I organised Father's Day last year):

"Dude, I think your barrel is bent! You should get that checked!"

I had just bought a used 98C with a Flatline Barrel and Cyclone - the eBayer did not include the shroud for the barrel.

I shot them ALL in the face from such a range they were standing in the open because they were so confident their high RoF was keeping my teammates down :P
Literally, while the Flatline isn't perfect at extreme range, they ignored my shooting because I was that far away.



^This. I just quoted one of the funniest things a noob has said.


Haha ouch :( I'm dead serious though, while I haven't really tried a regular barrel I find I like the flat tracjectory and couldn't care less what other people think about it :)

Barrels are largely about preference :)


Yeah, and accuracy, which the flatline lacks. But its the fact that you were trying to "snipe" with a flatline, rather than getting in range and firing that made it funny. And if you think the flatline has a "flat" trajectory... well, that makes it better. :rolleyes:
LOLZ



Haha like I said my first game, wasn't exactly excited to run close and get shot - point is I hit them at that range, so I was "in range"
The accuracy seems to work fine in general at normal paintball ranges, so I have no problems with it.
It's about preference :P and I prefer less arc in my shots

In any case, I'll stop arguing because I know enough that "Sniping" is a point of contention among paintballers :P ignoring the fact that I am still new and have a hard time arguing with mostly hear-say knowledge from forums and reviews :P


I'll back you man... I play with a few players that live on flatlines and they are very accurate with them, even at a range. They often don't break on me but having something bounce off my brow or jaw still puts my head down.
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#603 User is offline   Tommikka 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 11:51 AM

View PostDrunkengunner, on Jan 27 2010, 11:33 AM, said:

I was playing this weekend, and it's in a Marine town. So this young Marine was out playing and got hit out, and the first thing he said was "How do you clear a paintball gun?"

I hope you assisted with him to 'make safe' his marker then rather then just laughing at a 'noob'.

He is trained inweapons safety, so when eliminated he wants to make safe.

BBD, air off, asfety etc
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#604 User is offline   Drunkengunner 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 06:21 PM

I sure did laugh. We told him just to put his marker up and walk off the field.
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#605 User is offline   mike7822 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 07:49 PM

View PostDrunkengunner, on Jan 27 2010, 06:33 AM, said:

I was playing this weekend, and it's in a Marine town. So this young Marine was out playing and got hit out, and the first thing he said was "How do you clear a paintball gun?"


lol, wheres the charging handle on this thing!
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#606 User is offline   cdrinkh20 

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 10:55 PM

View PostCapnStank, on Jan 27 2010, 11:46 AM, said:

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 27 2010, 12:48 AM, said:

View PostXakk, on Jan 26 2010, 05:40 PM, said:

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 26 2010, 10:36 AM, said:

View Postoutlaw-master, on Jan 25 2010, 11:02 PM, said:

View Postcdrinkh20, on Jan 25 2010, 11:43 PM, said:

EVERY person who saw me walk on to the field during my first game ever (I organised Father's Day last year):

"Dude, I think your barrel is bent! You should get that checked!"

I had just bought a used 98C with a Flatline Barrel and Cyclone - the eBayer did not include the shroud for the barrel.

I shot them ALL in the face from such a range they were standing in the open because they were so confident their high RoF was keeping my teammates down :P
Literally, while the Flatline isn't perfect at extreme range, they ignored my shooting because I was that far away.



^This. I just quoted one of the funniest things a noob has said.


Haha ouch :( I'm dead serious though, while I haven't really tried a regular barrel I find I like the flat tracjectory and couldn't care less what other people think about it :)

Barrels are largely about preference :)


Yeah, and accuracy, which the flatline lacks. But its the fact that you were trying to "snipe" with a flatline, rather than getting in range and firing that made it funny. And if you think the flatline has a "flat" trajectory... well, that makes it better. :ninja:
LOLZ



Haha like I said my first game, wasn't exactly excited to run close and get shot - point is I hit them at that range, so I was "in range"
The accuracy seems to work fine in general at normal paintball ranges, so I have no problems with it.
It's about preference :P and I prefer less arc in my shots

In any case, I'll stop arguing because I know enough that "Sniping" is a point of contention among paintballers :P ignoring the fact that I am still new and have a hard time arguing with mostly hear-say knowledge from forums and reviews :P


I'll back you man... I play with a few players that live on flatlines and they are very accurate with them, even at a range. They often don't break on me but having something bounce off my brow or jaw still puts my head down.


Haha thank you :) yeah, a lot of people look pretty surprised when I can reach them with it, even when they don't break - personally I've kinda thought the ball break rule is silly - you know when it hits you regardless. You don't just go "Oh, that bullet just glanced off me I'm fine" you go "OW F***! That a**hole shot me!"

Like one game at a scenario I played we started quite a ways apart, did one team fires one shot per person - civil war style. Half my shots didn't count for crap because they were wearing paintball pants and the like 2 sizes to big for themselves so it just hit the extra cloth and dropped.
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#607 User is offline   hollywood11892 

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 06:05 PM

the one that pisses me off the most is. OMG THAT GUY FROZE HIS BALLS
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#608 User is offline   Xakk 

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 07:11 PM

View Posthollywood11892, on Jan 28 2010, 07:05 PM, said:

the one that pisses me off the most is. OMG THAT GUY FROZE HIS BALLS


Dont forget OMG THAT GUY IS SHOOTING MARBLES :mellow:
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#609 User is offline   mtaylor 

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 11:28 PM

View Postoutlaw-master, on Jan 27 2010, 12:11 AM, said:

View PostT-Freak, on Jan 26 2010, 03:03 PM, said:

Guy asked me why there was a blue light on my rotor, and his buddy said it was a red dot sight ...:dodgy:



I would have slapped both of them, would have slapped his friend extra hard.


I would have gone for the "you are a moron" stare.

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#610 User is offline   callsignmars 

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Posted 30 January 2010 - 08:30 PM

Buddy: "Dude, this barrel you gave me is sweet!"

Me: "I gave it to you an hour ago (we were going the next day), how would you know?"

Buddy: "I just tried it out on your tree out back!"

...dang Monster balls STILL haven't washed away yet...
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#611 User is offline   TheEnd 

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Posted 31 January 2010 - 05:35 PM

View Postcallsignmars, on Jan 30 2010, 10:30 PM, said:

Buddy: "Dude, this barrel you gave me is sweet!"

Me: "I gave it to you an hour ago (we were going the next day), how would you know?"

Buddy: "I just tried it out on your tree out back!"

...dang Monster balls STILL haven't washed away yet...


I'm surprised that they even busted on the tree. Monsterballs are like marbles.
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#612 User is offline   edtoro 

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Posted 31 January 2010 - 07:29 PM

Oww.. monsters.

My favorite comment of all time is:

Noob: This gun is soo awesome I want it for when I start playing (keep in mind, speedball). How much does it cost?

Some dude: Its like $180.

Noob: cool, what is it?

Me: Its a tippmann 98... and I suggest that before you buy it, you go to a Red Socks Game with a Yankees jersey just to be morally prepared for whats gonna happen when you step on that field with a Tippy that ISNT RENTAL!
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#613 User is offline   Kavemann 

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Posted 31 January 2010 - 07:56 PM

Noob - Dude how fast does your gun fire

Me- about 27 BPS give or take a couple

Noob - oh well thats not alot mine is like 50 Bps

me - so me being a smartA$$ I ask whats he got

Noob- uhh its that new Tippermann 98

Me - LOlz :P
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#614 User is offline   Mack 

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 05:40 PM

My most recent funny noob quote:

View PostXakk, on Jan 26 2010, 06:40 PM, said:

And if you think the flatline has a "flat" trajectory... well, that makes it better. :angry: LOLZ


Someone mentioned plans earlier, this is the standard answer I give new players who ask me that before the first game of the day:
  • Shoot the other team
  • Don't shoot your own team
  • Don't get shot
  • Have fun
I get to more complicated stuff like telling them to buddy-up (if they have friends present), make sure someone is always watching their back, hold a certain position, etc after I've seen them play a few games.

My favorite noob story (which I've told before but it's been a while): At the field several years ago I see a new player getting frustrated because they can't get a reading from the chrono. I go up to help and after a couple of shots I realize they don't have any paint in their marker. When I point this out the player gets an attitude and replies with something along the lines of "I'm only chronoing, I'm saving my paint for the field."

My second favorite which I know I haven't shared before: I take a lot of equipment to the field because I like to be comfortable. (Cooler, 5 gallon water jug-for everyone to use, folding chair, canopy, etc.) I also usually have spare markers and equipment as well. I'm unloading my stuff one day when I hear "oh my god, he's got a mini-gun" so I start looking around to see who has a mini-gun. It wasn't until a small crowd of newer players had started to gather that I realized the speaker was pointing at me and what I was carrying under my arm. All of them watched in awe as I took the bundle of tubes, straps and cloth out from under my arm. The awe subsided substantially when I unfolded it into a camping recliner and sat down on it.

Now, a noob stunt I pulled: (Noob because I made an invalid assumption despite years of experience in paintball.) A field I used to play at was huge (over 100 acres) so the defending team would usually announce where the flag was going to be. This didn't mean that the whole team would be there so you still had to maintain flank and rear security on the way to the flag. The NE corner of the field had an elevated bare plateau, with only a few small brush bunkers or dead/fallen trees for cover. The boundary fence was to the South of this plateau and a creek bed with trees/thick brush was to the North. The East end dropped down about 6 feet to a flat and lightly wooded area that had a brush bunker (which is where the flag was for this game) while the West end was bounded by two shallow (4-6 feet) and heavily wooded dry washes that had open flat space between them. Their was no easy way to get to the flag station; an advance across the open area guaranteed heavy casualties while using the creek on the North was a slow dig-the-ambushers-out-of-the-brush slog that would normally cost the attackers more than the defenders. I had elected to separate from my team which was pushing up the North creek bed and was at the SW corner of the plateau where the heavily wooded dry creek bed met the boundary line and a small running creek.

I had selected this unlikely spot because I had been successful in attacking from this location two weeks before. I had been there as a distraction and a friend on the other team opened up on me (without success because the range to the cover on the other side was just beyond maximum lob range) and I had responded by standing in the open, extending my flatline equipped 98 at arms length, and firing a single shot which had, miraculously, broken on his harness buckle. (I would be lying if I claimed it was anything other than luck.) This had freaked the other team and they had focused way too much attention on me, including shifting some people from the North creek bed. The result was my team managed to push up the creek bed and the other team overreacted again and shifted everyone back, giving me the opportunity to basically meander across the open plateau until I reached cover in bushes that grew along the South boundary near their end, crawl through these, surrender the single defender at their flag station, and take their flag off the field. I fired one shot the whole game.

Noob mistakes I made this time:
  • Assuming that factors would reoccur that would ever allow me to repeat these events
  • Assuming that no one on the other team would have a flatline
  • Selecting exactly the wrong time to be a smarta**
I was standing in the open, but this time the opposition was smart enough to ignore me and save their paint for when I got closer. So I decided some taunting was in order. I started with some basic Monty Python taunts (from the Holy Grail) and worked my way up moving a little closer and calling out people I knew by name and daring them to shoot at me. (I believe the terms "sissy" and "weenie" were included in the latter taunts. When this failed to produce the desired result I had a brainstorm. (Brainstupid actually.) Since it was pretty much regulars at the field I decided no one would be seriously offended if I mooned them. I proceeded to do so . . . and discovered several things:
  • Someone on the other team did have a flatline
  • I had moved a little closer than I meant to while taunting them
  • Certain hits really hurt on bare skin
  • Certain hits also make it hard to sit comfortably while driving home
It's funny when I think about it now, but it wasn't at the time.

Edit: I forgot to add the point of the last story: We all say/do noob things no sometimes; no matter how long we've been doing this.

This post has been edited by Mack: 08 February 2010 - 08:17 PM

-95% of people with a flatline think it makes the gun inaccurate; if you are the part of the other 5%, who take the time to sit down and tune it right, put this in your sig.
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#615 User is offline   dextonik 

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Posted 19 February 2010 - 12:49 PM

View PostMack, on Feb 7 2010, 05:40 PM, said:

My most recent funny noob quote:

View PostXakk, on Jan 26 2010, 06:40 PM, said:

And if you think the flatline has a "flat" trajectory... well, that makes it better. :tup: LOLZ


Someone mentioned plans earlier, this is the standard answer I give new players who ask me that before the first game of the day:
  • Shoot the other team
  • Don't shoot your own team
  • Don't get shot
  • Have fun
I get to more complicated stuff like telling them to buddy-up (if they have friends present), make sure someone is always watching their back, hold a certain position, etc after I've seen them play a few games.

My favorite noob story (which I've told before but it's been a while): At the field several years ago I see a new player getting frustrated because they can't get a reading from the chrono. I go up to help and after a couple of shots I realize they don't have any paint in their marker. When I point this out the player gets an attitude and replies with something along the lines of "I'm only chronoing, I'm saving my paint for the field."

My second favorite which I know I haven't shared before: I take a lot of equipment to the field because I like to be comfortable. (Cooler, 5 gallon water jug-for everyone to use, folding chair, canopy, etc.) I also usually have spare markers and equipment as well. I'm unloading my stuff one day when I hear "oh my god, he's got a mini-gun" so I start looking around to see who has a mini-gun. It wasn't until a small crowd of newer players had started to gather that I realized the speaker was pointing at me and what I was carrying under my arm. All of them watched in awe as I took the bundle of tubes, straps and cloth out from under my arm. The awe subsided substantially when I unfolded it into a camping recliner and sat down on it.

Now, a noob stunt I pulled: (Noob because I made an invalid assumption despite years of experience in paintball.) A field I used to play at was huge (over 100 acres) so the defending team would usually announce where the flag was going to be. This didn't mean that the whole team would be there so you still had to maintain flank and rear security on the way to the flag. The NE corner of the field had an elevated bare plateau, with only a few small brush bunkers or dead/fallen trees for cover. The boundary fence was to the South of this plateau and a creek bed with trees/thick brush was to the North. The East end dropped down about 6 feet to a flat and lightly wooded area that had a brush bunker (which is where the flag was for this game) while the West end was bounded by two shallow (4-6 feet) and heavily wooded dry washes that had open flat space between them. Their was no easy way to get to the flag station; an advance across the open area guaranteed heavy casualties while using the creek on the North was a slow dig-the-ambushers-out-of-the-brush slog that would normally cost the attackers more than the defenders. I had elected to separate from my team which was pushing up the North creek bed and was at the SW corner of the plateau where the heavily wooded dry creek bed met the boundary line and a small running creek.

I had selected this unlikely spot because I had been successful in attacking from this location two weeks before. I had been there as a distraction and a friend on the other team opened up on me (without success because the range to the cover on the other side was just beyond maximum lob range) and I had responded by standing in the open, extending my flatline equipped 98 at arms length, and firing a single shot which had, miraculously, broken on his harness buckle. (I would be lying if I claimed it was anything other than luck.) This had freaked the other team and they had focused way too much attention on me, including shifting some people from the North creek bed. The result was my team managed to push up the creek bed and the other team overreacted again and shifted everyone back, giving me the opportunity to basically meander across the open plateau until I reached cover in bushes that grew along the South boundary near their end, crawl through these, surrender the single defender at their flag station, and take their flag off the field. I fired one shot the whole game.

Noob mistakes I made this time:
  • Assuming that factors would reoccur that would ever allow me to repeat these events
  • Assuming that no one on the other team would have a flatline
  • Selecting exactly the wrong time to be a smarta**
I was standing in the open, but this time the opposition was smart enough to ignore me and save their paint for when I got closer. So I decided some taunting was in order. I started with some basic Monty Python taunts (from the Holy Grail) and worked my way up moving a little closer and calling out people I knew by name and daring them to shoot at me. (I believe the terms "sissy" and "weenie" were included in the latter taunts. When this failed to produce the desired result I had a brainstorm. (Brainstupid actually.) Since it was pretty much regulars at the field I decided no one would be seriously offended if I mooned them. I proceeded to do so . . . and discovered several things:
  • Someone on the other team did have a flatline
  • I had moved a little closer than I meant to while taunting them
  • Certain hits really hurt on bare skin
  • Certain hits also make it hard to sit comfortably while driving home
It's funny when I think about it now, but it wasn't at the time.

Edit: I forgot to add the point of the last story: We all say/do noob things no sometimes; no matter how long we've been doing this.

One. I like your story. Very funny. Two, I've been playing long enough to consider myself a veterain. Last saturday I play a whole ten minutes on the indoor field. dodging and weaving and shooting back at the other players. Finally got googed. and just so happen to look at my barrel while walking off the field which had my barrel cover on the whole time. shot about half a hopper in it. Wow, I am a dumb ass. Although seeing that I played about 6 hours straight with hardly any breaks. Your attention to details kinda goes out the window.
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