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Why Best Friends Are Bad Rate Topic: -----

#1 User is offline   MaDuce 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:05 PM

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FROM the time they met in kindergarten until they were 15, Robin Shreeves and her friend Penny were inseparable. They rode bikes, played kickball in the street, swam all summer long and listened to Andy Gibb, the Bay City Rollers and Shaun Cassidy on the stereo. When they were little, they liked Barbies; when they were bigger, they hung out at the roller rink on Friday nights. They told each other secrets like which boys they thought were cute, as best friends always do.

Today, Ms. Shreeves, of suburban Philadelphia, is the mother of two boys. Her 10-year-old has a best friend. In fact, he is the son of Ms. Shreeves’s own friend, Penny. But Ms. Shreeves’s younger son, 8, does not. His favorite playmate is a boy who was in his preschool class, but Ms. Shreeves says that the two don’t get together very often because scheduling play dates can be complicated; they usually have to be planned a week or more in advance. “He’ll say, ‘I wish I had someone I can always call,’ ” Ms. Shreeves said.

One might be tempted to feel some sympathy for the younger son. After all, from Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the childhood “best friend” has long been romanticized in literature and pop culture — not to mention in the sentimental memories of countless adults.

But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?


The rest of the idiocy can be found here: http://www.nytimes.c...hion/17BFF.html
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#2 User is offline   C-F0uR 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:12 PM

wow. You're lucky in this world if you can find one TRUE best friend, let alone an entire group.
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#3 User is offline   ger 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:33 PM

Yikes. Psychiatrists/Psychologists/Counselors need a hobby.

I'm 34, so I grew up in the time of "roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on"... lucky me.

I have to think about my response. There is some validity in there, but it's pretty thin.
ger
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#4 User is offline   Puzuma 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:38 PM

Nothing says loving like "The Man" repressing kids to create good little sheeple.

Yup. Everyone's a winner, leave no kid behind and nobody has a best friend. This way when they turn 18 they'll vote for who ever offers them chocolate pudding instead of thinking for themselves and voting based on actual issues.

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#5 User is offline   TREE FITTY 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:39 PM

Seriously?...

did I die for a second there?...
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#6 User is offline   Thalion 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:47 PM

Puz,

The zombie apocalypse isn't coming; it's already here.

Otherwise, 100% agreed.
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#7 User is offline   MaDuce 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 01:05 PM

View PostC-F0uR, on Jun 29 2010, 12:12 PM, said:

wow. You're lucky in this world if you can find one TRUE best friend, let alone an entire group.


What's more, there's going to be people in every group who are simply more interesting, charismatic, friendly and likable than others and will thus attract more attention and interaction than others. Not to mention the instances when two people--when not forced to participate in banal group activities--will discover they share common interests, experiences and emotional connections and will want to spend more time together. Of course, one of the pair would have to be moved to a different group....

For chrissakes, this will force kids to keep their opinions and feelings to themselves, lest they offend someone. All you will have is a series of superficial relationships between emotionally dead people.

Best friends teach you how to grow as a person. Loyalty and conflict resolution come up first in my mind. You're going to have a fight with your best friend and it will probably be pretty volatile. But in the end you realize the experiences you shared and the loyalty you have for each other render whatever it was you were fighting about incredibly trivial. Of course, you couldn't have that in this system. You couldn't make bonds worth fighting for or find people, ideas and attitudes worth fighting against.
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#8 User is offline   C0N0R 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 01:05 PM

ive never had a best friend in my entire life, and i more than likely could count my true friends on my fingers.

you damn right i wish i had a best friend..
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#9 User is offline   Cuy'val Dar  

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 01:07 PM

View PostPuzuma, on Jun 29 2010, 01:38 PM, said:

Nothing says loving like "The Man" repressing kids to create good little sheeple.

Yup. Everyone's a wiener, leave no kid behind and nobody has a best friend. This way when they turn 18 they'll vote for who ever offers them chocolate pudding instead of thinking for themselves and voting based on actual issues.

The Zombie Apocalypse is coming, it's just not the kind of zombies you were expecting.

Will we be seeing any shark vomiting zombies puz?
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#10 User is offline   Tyger 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 01:46 PM

Ya know, I read that article, and I only thought of one video I saw. It's a "Whiteboard animation" from a lecture given by Barbara Ehrenreich, in which she talks about a few things. but the one thing she said near the beginning is that people who are being "downsized" (nice way to say fired) were being sent to support groups, and told in so many words that the key to getting a new job (after being downsized) is not skills or experience, but having a positive attitude and making everyone else in your new work place feel good. It wasn't about the work you could do, it's how happy you made everyone else around you.

And reading that article I couldn't help but see echos of her speech in it. (Political note, you may not agree with all of the stuff she talks about, but it's definitely worth 10 minutes of your life)

Another speech on the RSA's youtube site (which I'm reluctant to post as it includes a drawing that's not "family friendly" in it) by Professor Philip Zimbardo hits on time perspectives and how it affects our lives. He says in his speech that by the time a male is 21 they will have spent 10,000 hours playing video games. When you think about it, this is almost 417 days, a year and change, alone in front of a monitor / TV with a controller or keyboard for company. His point is that kids are "digitally rewiring" their brains to learn differently, and the old ways of teaching don't work anymore. But I think it's a little more than that.

The message my generation had pounded into our heads was "self esteem is good" and "believe in yourself", both pretty empty messages really. Looking back, it caused kids to basically clique into small groups of 4-6 friends (goths, jocks, stoners, freaks, whatever) who all understood each other. So now that my generation has grown up, we're back-lashing the message to be "help everyone around you feel good" and "pull together as a team!", that if everyone just believes in each other we can do anything. It's the other extreme now. Kids burying themselves in the basement on a computer playing games on their own because they don't want to be forced to "play nice" with people they can't stand. It's a lot easier to say "OMG U SUCK!" and bail your PUG raid than it is to face the wrath of your school guidance counselor who's hell bent on making you get along with everyone. (And if you know what a "PUG raid" is, then you know what I'm talking about...)

The other thing I'm getting from all this is that the message works in reverse. In telling people you have to make nice with everyone else, it's making folks absolutely miserable and disconnected. It's hard to be empathetic when you know the other person is only pretending to be nice to you for the sake of "the team".

My take is simple, and it's an old joke. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is someone who will be sitting next to you saying "DAMN that was cool!" And I seriously doubt that the 2,500 names on "facebook" that say you're their "friend" will be sharing that metal bench with you.

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#11 User is offline   ike123 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 01:56 PM

Never really had a best friend. In school, I pretty much switched friends every year. Now that I'm out, I have my group, we hang, do stuff, etc, but I don't know if I'd consider them best friends quite yet.

I still learned just about everything everyone has said you learn from having a best friend.
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#12 User is offline   C-F0uR 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 02:01 PM

View PostTyger, on Jun 29 2010, 04:46 PM, said:

He says in his speech that by the time a male is 21 they will have spent 10,000 hours playing video games. When you think about it, this is almost 417 days, a year and change, alone in front of a monitor / TV with a controller or keyboard for company.

-Tyger



I'm only 17 and I think I've already surpassed this.....haha.
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#13 User is offline   MaDuce 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 02:08 PM

I found another article on the issue and I think it ties in nicely with the "social engineering" aspect Tyger mentioned.

http://article.nationalreview.com/436916/t.../jonah-goldberg
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#14 User is offline   Invictusone 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 02:37 PM

Wow, the second article does do a good job of expressing the problem. I remember the days of elementary where the teacher would specifically people who didn't get along to pair them in order for our class to be *civil.* Ugh, how i hated that year, and i feel like i have had trouble forming deep relationships with people afterwards.

Literally, even 10 years afterward, i can honestly say that its effects still cause me problems.
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#15 User is offline   Pirate 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 03:26 PM

View PostTyger, on Jun 29 2010, 01:46 PM, said:

My take is simple, and it's an old joke. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is someone who will be sitting next to you saying "DAMN that was cool!" And I seriously doubt that the 2,500 names on "facebook" that say you're their "friend" will be sharing that metal bench with you.

Tyger, you know I'd be on the bench with you, homie :tup:

I've been re-evaluating some of my 'friends' after they bailed on me and another guy who got detained by the cops for stuff they bailers were actually doing.

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