Special Ops Paintball: funniest thing a noob has said to you? - Special Ops Paintball

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funniest thing a noob has said to you? lulz... Rate Topic: ***** 2 Votes

#661 User is offline   Capt. Ice Cold 

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 10:38 PM

Me shooting 2 noobs in the back from 30 feet with 1 shot each, playing nice...

Noob "you could have surrendered us"

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#662 User is offline   ninjasofpaintball 

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Posted 13 September 2010 - 09:37 PM

Noob: IS THAT AUTO?

Me: No

Noob: Semi Auto????

Me: No

Noob: BURST??

Me: No

Noob: What is it then

Me: A Marker

Noob: You mean gun?

*Bell Rings*

Noob got shot in the face

Me: Was that Semi???

He got angry.
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#663 User is offline   MIDNIGHTANGELZ 

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Posted 16 September 2010 - 05:00 PM

OPen PLay @ Scenario..
(T8s in each hand)
Group of 8 from South Chicago: "Lets get it Crackn gimme my gun I wanna go against this fool right here lookn like James Bond"
Me: Haha Oky Dokes You 8 Vs Me and two First Timers
Group: Ight Ight ! Bet Gimme bullets
Game in 5.... GO !
My Team: 2 go left I go right ...
Opposing team - all 8 of them go right Lolzz
I pop 3 off the top they go out, my guys on the left ar advancing around to the other teams side
Them> "I gotchu foo I gotcu Watch! You smoked my homeboys"
Me> "..smirk" (mind you the other 3 are bunched up w/ 2 advancing"
Them> " I see his pistol get him"
Me> (loading Suicide Clips 17rd SpecOps Extenders)
Them> Run towards me
Me> Dual Pistols 36 rounds!! Blaring* charging towards them
Them Guy 1: "N**** got 2!!" guy 2"LITERALLY SCREAMS**"
Theyre bot running back to their guys so they hop out of their building and run also but the last t3 are just running the front 2 are running and blind firing in my direction just like the gang movies- But the BIG guy fell over and took another guy down with him! while the 2 in front are running backwards firing at me! then they fell over too! HILARIOUS shot em out and the other 2 on my team got the last guy. PRICELESS

Another time I was @ CPX w/ my two pistols my spyder w/ scepter 4000 grenade launcher
their guys are all in the building then I fly by and launch a grape shot in the building a few guys head out. my spyder jammed my grape shot gone.. unstrap the velcro drop the tank lancher/marker and pll ut the pistol fly by again fre about 4-6 ronds in .. couple more come out ... Then the last few charge out firing so I end up barrel rolling out of the way and the continue firing and got some ..the others got away. So when we're walking off they're all yeling at each other and i hard the funniest line "Where the hell were you when I was getting attacked by the Argentinian Mafia!"
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#664 User is offline   ghost XIII 

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Posted 17 September 2010 - 09:53 AM

at cjs paintball in nebraska, there was this walk on player who thought he was going to beast on everyone there... he happened to show up on the day my team and I had practice, basically he got bunkered 2 or three times before i had the chances to get him. so as i ran up on the bunker, he sees me coming, throws his rental out the side and starts screaming "I SURRENDER!!!" the even funnier part was he was the last person on his team. XD noobs, when paintballings at its newest.

Just last week on 9/0/10 i was at cjs again just playing, was the first time i played in about 7 months but anyway all of my gear except for 3/7 go down on me at the field so i said screw it and decided to run my 2 zeus g2s (10+1) one had a 9oz tank with the 8" barrel and the other was a 12g setup with the 1" barrel in a dropleg holster. the group i was playing had only 1 rental. everyone else was using sypders, tippmann 98 and an ion. On break i head to snake side left (3 section snake) im at the bottom third and theres a guy up at the first secition of the snake. he knows im there and just sits there not even trying to shoot me. i look to my right and i see on of his buddies at the far back right dorito fired 2 shots at his first missed him by and inch or so the second drilled him right in his lens. after crouched and moved into the 2nd bunker stood staight up and drill the kid on snake in his lens ( was using my 12g setup for both)

buth the funniest thing any paintballer will hear a noob say is "dont shoot!!"
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#665 User is offline   cdrinkh20 

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Posted 17 September 2010 - 10:12 AM

Not exactly funny, but the worst part is always trying to join a group if I'm walking on myself or with a buddy - seriously, if there are hardly any walk-on players it's near impossible to get on with renters (unless they are cocky as heck or they have a groom-to-be they want hammered). Basically, you can go in your usual gear, shorts and a t-shirt, whatever. If it isn't coveralls, they are intimidated IMMEDIATELY.

"You look a little hardcore."
"Shorts? Holy crap he must not feel pain!"

Heck, I remember meeting a couple of guys I hadn't seen since high school and they had a couple friends, it was their second time out balling or something...there were 5 of us but they had gone out to buy camo and vests, etc. I had shorts, dump pouch, wrist 10 round tube holder (on my bicep, I find it easier to use and then it doesn't turn over as much when I wear my Fusion X jersey (sleeves are loose), and my Phantom (at this time, stock class). We couldn't get a group to play us 6 vs. 15 -_-

We found the best strategy was to either get a little kid in a group with us/send someone using a rental to ask if they would play with them and "a few of my friends". :P Some back out, but most people try to act macho or just feel rude, but whoever said "Sure" almost always gets punched in the arm by his friends :P
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#666 User is offline   I.K.E. 

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 05:01 PM

"Chiggers? What are those?" After I told him to spray his ankles with deet.
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#667 User is offline   Pirate 

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Posted 25 September 2010 - 03:15 PM

View PostI.K.E., on 21 September 2010 - 06:01 PM, said:

"Chiggers? What are those?" After I told him to spray his ankles with deet.

Hey. That is our word.
My job is to be an asshole. I excel at the position.
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#668 User is offline   Zzaque 

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Posted 25 September 2010 - 04:47 PM

He starts backing up from the rest of the group while we are talking and reaches into his pocket.

Him: "So the next game will be a free-for-all right?"

Us: "Yeah, let's go."

So he finishes unwrapping the paintball grenade he had pulled out to catch us all before we moved and it explodes in his hand.

Him: "Ah, Crap! I'm out!"
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#669 User is offline   Pirate 

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Posted 27 September 2010 - 12:37 AM

So I rolled out to play a little bit of paintball today (literally, 2 hours. I had to go see Afroman play!)
So I put on my newest paintball shirt (purple shirt with the Kool-Aid man face on it). Then I put on my old Abyss sandana.
As soon as I put it on, a couple kids start staring at me and talking to each other. Then they walk over to the head ref and say they won't play unless they're on my team.

So the ref splits teams and puts them with me. I ask the ref (who I'm good friends with), what they said. He laughs and says 'They saw a guy wearing that same headband playing for Infamous. They didn't want a pro being on the other team and hurting them.' So the whole two hours I played, these three kids stuck to me like I was flypaper. Good part was, they were eager to learn, listen to what I was saying, and ACTUALLY MOVED UP! I just thought it was hilarious they saw Rusty Glaze with the same headband and assumed I was him.

My job is to be an asshole. I excel at the position.
We put our glass to the sky and lift up. And live tonight 'cause you can't take it with ya. So raise a pint for the people that aren't with us. And live tonight 'cause you can't take it with ya...
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#670 User is offline   exigent99 

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Posted 30 September 2010 - 07:48 PM

I guess I don't want to call "noob" as I'm just a rec player that doesn't know a lot about gear and such...I mainly just like to load up and play woodsball a couple times a year.

So....

I'm at a student concert, and I'm talking to one of my fellow choir members, and I bring up paintball. He's like, "Oh yeah, I play paintball, I play on a team, we go to tournaments and stuff." So, of course, happy to find someone else that plays, I start questioning him about if he's ever played woodsball, what type of gun he has, etc.

So then he starts coming out with stuff like, "Woodsball?" and not being able to tell me what gun he has. He then asks me what gun I have, and I tell him I have a tippmann 98 (like I said, I play rec woodsball) and he's telling me that that's a good gun. (Which I guess is true in the sense of reliability, but not something you would expect to hear out of a tournament player.)

Not that great of a story, but it seemed to fit. I hate to think the guy is making stuff up, but it was kindve hard to interpret his comments otherwise.
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#671 User is offline   aslanprime 

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 12:00 PM

Last time I played, I moved up next to a guy behind a bunker. He kept yelling at everyone to move up. I mean, he was yelling it to everyone all around him for a good 2 minutes straight.

What I don't get is, why didn't he just move up?

So I said, "Go ahead and move up, I'll cover ya."

He looked at me like I was mental or something. Apparently, he just wanted "everyone else" to move up...
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#672 User is offline   aslanprime 

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 12:05 PM

Oh yeah...I forgot one.

Moved up to a bunker and saw 2 little noobs ducking down...

I went to the first one and asked him where the opposition was; "I don't know, my mask is all fogged up. Ask my buddy."
So I go to the second little noob, where are they; "I don't know, I'm hiding."

At that point, I looked over the bunker and saw about 5 opposing players slowly moving towards the bunker. That was enough for me...I just high tailed it out of there in retreat.
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#673 User is offline   d4rkmonkey 

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 02:06 PM

"I thought I had to take off my mask when I get mercy'd!"

Ok, nevermind not the funniest thing I've heard. Probably the stupidest though... I hate reffing young kids who don't seem to understand the whole YOU WILL LOSE AN EYE thing.
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#674 User is offline   Benaiah 

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Posted 18 October 2010 - 10:51 AM

Ive been watching this topic for some time but have been hesitant to post as i may have theoretically done/said some of those things. Also, i never came across some of the more extreme ones. Until now.

I was playing at the local field, Poco Loco. They are mainly woodsball, so most people the brought their own stuff had Tippmanns. There was this little kid with a loaded phenom, stock, sight, remote line, the works. He had a vest and camo and everything. He was with his dad and older brother, and i would say he was about 12-13. The first couple games he looked like he knew what he was doing. Like any little kid he probably moved to a different bunker once and never really passed the 50, but he held his own.

On to the funny.

We were playing a castle field, from one side to the other with a flag in the middle. Im on the flank holding off a swarm of renters, when i see this kid actually creep his way up to the castle. hes leaning on the wall and sliding towards the door. he peeks around, then ducks back. He looks again, then cautiously steps around the corner. The suspense is hanging, "Hurt Locker" style. Then BOOM. Someone unloads from the other side of the castle as soon as hes done stepping. He promptly screams, drops his gun, and runs off into the woods doing the truffle shuffle. You perceptive people have already realized that since he was running a remote, he dragged his gun with him along the ground leaving a trail of paint and screams. Im pretty sure the game slowed for a little while everyone caught their breath from laughing.

I feel kind of bad that i laughed, because he wasn't a cocky kid and was earnestly trying to learn, but it was still funny. He got a good laugh about it back at base camp after the game, so it was all cool.
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#675 User is offline   3000pburway 

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Posted 21 October 2010 - 11:33 AM

i own my own scenario feild and i had some 16 year old come up to me and asks if i ever played on this feild, my name is on my tac vest and on the rentals building where he got his marker.
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